Mew Mew Kissy Cutie
by war hippy fatigues
Summary: Anime was a mistake.
1. Chapter 1

"Anyway, it would be cool if we could watch Mew Mew Kissy Cutie together sometime. What do you think?"

The human child (who won't be referred to as Frisk here because who names their kid Frisk?) put down the phone, an enigmatic expression on his face. The idea seemed palatable, as Dr. Alphys was, on the surface, a perfectly nice and respectable person. Still, he felt something in his gut that suggested that doing so would be a bad idea.

"W-well, what do you think?" Alphys stuttered.

"ALRIGHT, I GUESS I'LL WATCH IT WITH YOU," the human child said.

"G-great! Uh, I'll set the lab up right now."

The walk to the lab was eerily quiet. Where there had once been plenty of monsters lollygagging about, occasionally challenging the child to a fight, there was now nothing but still lava and silent lasers. Mettaton didn't even show up once to force the child to participate in a new season of _Monster Kingdom's Got Talent!_

When the child entered the lab, that feeling of wrongness he had felt before returned again. Something that he couldn't quite describe was off. Nevertheless, he pressed onward to Alphys, who was plastered to her computer.

"ALPHYS, I'M HERE!" the child said.

Alphys jerked her head away from the computer screen. "O-oh, sorry, I didn't hear you come in! I was busy torrenting the latest episode of Helium Testament Superstar."

"WHATEVER. CAN WE WATCH THE ANIME THING NOW?"

"O-of course! Take a seat."

The child sat down next to Alphys, who quickly dug through her folder of pirated anime with fan subtitles, before finding the one she wanted.

"Here it is!"

The anime began with a flashy introduction, where a bunch of little girls began dancing to an incredibly tasteless pop song. The child winced at how terrible the lyrics were, only to see that Alphys was also dancing to the music.

The next scene was that of a little girl with cat ears waking up in a soft bed. For a moment, she was calm, until she realized that she was late for school, and began running into several objects in her hurry to get out of the house. Soon, she was running to school with a piece of toast in her mouth. In her haste, she ran into someone else, who was revealed to be another high school student just as blandly designed as the cat eared girl was.

"私はファンフィクションの中に閉じ込めています私を助けて," the cat girl said, her voice sounding like a thirty year old woman trying to sound like a five year old. English subtitles popped up a half second after she had finished talking and the other person started, saying, "Wow! I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry! Translator's note: anime characters like to apologize a lot."

"The dub ruined this scene," Alphys said. "They don't capture how nervous Nokata is supposed to be here, which is really important to her character."

The child blinked, failing to understand how any character had displayed any sort of depth to them in the tepid material he had seen thus far.

The other student, who was supposed to be male, despite looking girlier then the character who was an actual girl, introduced himself, which caused the cat girl's face to turn pink. He then said his name, which caused the cat girl to blush, and then he walked away, which caused the cat girl to nearly faint.

"Wow! I can't believe Souji-sempai talked to me! This is the best day ever! Wow!" the cat girl said.

The human child had a feeling that he had been suckered into watching an incredibly puerile kid's show. Nevertheless, he decided to press on, for Alphys's sake.

The cat girl continued to her high school, where she quickly found herself sitting by a window with a nice view. There, they were introduced to their homeroom teacher, an ostensibly adult woman who was also drawn to look like a cartoon teenager, but with gigantic breasts that the animators had clearly spent half their budget on.

"Helloooooooo there and welcome to your first day at high schooooool!" the teacher said. "I'm pleased to announce is today is also the school festival day! Translator's note: if girls don't invite someone to go with them to watch fireworks at the festival then they're lame."

"This is the best part," Alphys whispered. "Nokata needs to invite Souji chan to go to the festival with her, but she doesn't know how!"

"Oh, what am I going to do?" the cat girl said. "All the COOL GIRLS have KIMONOS and I don't have a KIMONO. Guys only like girls who wear KIMONOS."

At that point, the human child had had enough. He tried to get up to leave, only to realize, in horror, that his legs were frozen in place.

"Souji senpai, I... I... I..."

The child tried to ask Alphys for help, only to find that his mouth was frozen shut.

"Oh, it's so hard to run this family inn!"

"Hot springs episode!"

"Moe blob!"

"Kawaii uguu! Sempai, sempai! Welcome to hell, human chan!"

* * *

The child didn't realize the episode had ended until he noticed Alphys waving a scaly arm in front of his face.

"Are y-you alright?" Alphys asked. "You were kinda spacing out there."

The child nodded, even though nothing could be further from the truth. He knew that there was no escaping the horrors he had seen on that screen.


	2. Alternate Ending

The human child entered the lab, where Alphys was sitting at her desk with a box of tissues and some lotion.

"HELLO, ALPHYS," the child said.

"Ahhh!" Alphys squeaked, knocking the things off her desk. "I m-m-mean hello!"

"WE WERE GOING TO WATCH ANIME TOGETHER?"

"O-of course! I'll get right to it!"

Alphys scrambled over to her computer as the child took a seat. She hastily clicked on something labeled 'Boku' which pulled a video up on the screen.

"O-o-oh wait, I think I pulled up the wrong one-"

"YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO," the child said, wincing at what he had just seen.

"Oh god I'm sorry! This is h-h-hentai, it's n-n-ot for kids," Alphys yelped, a large blush creeping onto her face. "L-let me just turn it off-"

Metal restraints suddenly burst from the ground and held Alphys and the child in their seats.

"WELL, WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE?" Mettaton said, riding in through the door with a large TV camera.

"Mettaton! You h-have to turn it off-"

"I'M SORRY? DID YOU SAY SOMETHING? BECAUSE I'M PRETTY SURE YOU SAID BROADCAST THIS LIVE TO THE ENTIRE MONSTER KINGDOM!" Mettaton said, pointing the camera at the computer screen.

Alphys gasped. "Please, no-"

"HELLO, MONSTERS EVERYWHERE! ON TODAY'S EPISODE OF PAWN ROCKSTARS, WE'VE FOUND DR ALPHYS'S PORN! PRETTY FREAKY, HUH?"

Alphys started rocking back and forth in the chair, as every movement, every thrust, and every detail was shown on live TV, all the way to the explosive finish.


End file.
